PUBLISHER: JOAN B. INGRAM • EDITOR: RUTH E. INGRAM • SALES/MARKETING: EVELYN POGROWSKI
Volume 2, Issue 9 January 2003
Dining Out With Ed || People Around Aromas || Current Articles
| By Janet Martinez She was born in 1917 in a small coastal town in California
to a Sicilian immigrant master boat builder and a second generation
Sicilian homemaker. Rose was the second of what later would be four
children. When Rose became involved in community activities, school
and later her job, she always showed leadership qualities and would
eventually be the drill leader of the Monterey YLI (Young Ladies’
Institute) drill team as well as president of the club. She was
number one in her shorthand and bookkeeping high school classes
and played piano or accordion for the school chorus or played in
a duet, accordion with her younger brother at various functions.
Whatever she did needed to be done well, and she later admitted
later in life, was done to “perfection.” It was very
important to her that her appearance be always perfect. She never
liked the idea that her face was round and that her legs were not
shapely. She told me that Be careful of what you wish for! Rose is now so thin at age 85, her shoulder blades are only covered by her thin skin. She now weighs a little above 100 lbs. Her healthy weight would be around 130 lbs. It’s too late to convince her that eating would improve her health because she is also diagnosed with Alzheimers. It never occurred to her family and especially to herself that this disease would show up in her. There is no other family member that was diagnosed with this disease, so why her? Her brother is a year older than she and his mind is incredibly healthy. She was showing some symptoms on her 80th birthday,
but her family just passed them on as regular old age degeneration.
But, a year later, she “forgot” how to endorse a check,
it became apparent that this wasn’t normal age degeneration.
Since she was a bookkeeper Rose is my mother and watching Alzheimers destroy all that she was and is has been a roller coaster ride for the last five years. I have to admit that some of the process of this disease disintegrated a wall that she had evidently built as a young child regarding perfection and her war with food as well as a wall she had built against feeling free to express her love to her family. Three years ago, when mom would smile at me and tell me she “loved me,” I found it difficult to believe as it was the first time I had ever heard her verbalize it to me in my lifetime. I would smile back and tell her thanks, but my heart wouldn’t accept it because I didn’t believe her. It took her telling me she loved me for the next two years that allowed me to finally believe her and now she can’t say it anymore. A friend loaned me a book, Mosaic Moon, Caregiving Through Poetry, a book written in Hawaii by a number of caregivers (family members) for Alzheimer’s victims. These caregivers learned to express themselves through poetry. One of the poems is called The Boiling Pot. Anger, it’s your turn.
|
Rose and her great grand-daughter Jordyn
During these past years, my mom has spent time alone in
her home until it was considered too dangerous for her to be alone. We
also enrolled her in a social daycare group by the VNA (Visiting Nurses
Association) which she attended during the week days while staying with
my husband and me in the evenings and weekends. After several months of
her going back and forth from daycare in Salinas to our home in Aromas,
we hired a live-in caregiver that allowed my mom to stay in her own home,
attend the social day care program and eliminate the travel. That worked
for while, but as mom regressed and needed more attention, it was apparent
we all needed more help. I had been researching residential homes, but
of course we all have been brought up to believe this should be the last
resort. When mom regressed to the point of needing more help with her
personal needs, I had to make a decision. There are some wonderful places
in
Monterey County and some horrible places as well for those who need caregiving.
June 1, 2002, Rob Ryan, a very gifted spiritual teacher,
(www.MontereyBaySanctuary.org/rob)
helped Ed and me formulate a prayer for amiracle. We asked specifically
that we find a home for my mom with people who will lovingly take care
of her for the rest of her life. Well, it worked! My mom lives at Centennial
Gardens in Monterey, a Dementia/Alzheimers Residential Home, where she
is cared for by the most loving staff of caregivers you would ever want.
I drop in at unscheduled times and always find my mother clean, happy
and usually being hugged by one of the caregivers. I found that what I
thought was being unselfish and loyal by keeping her in her own home or
living with us was a mistake for my mother’s care. She is the type
of person who is stimulated by constant attention and that is probably
because of that need during her childhood of feeling she was never “perfect.”
She gets that special attention at Centennial
Gardens.
For a while, mom was enjoying eating and it appeared that the wall that prevented her from enjoying food was also gone and it was so fun to see her really appreciating the flavors of food and not feeling any guilt. But, that time is over, she is showing no interest in food again. Alzheimers affects not only the victim, but their family and friends as well. If you have some one in your family that appears to have this disease, get help. Don’t think you have to do this alone. There are so many caring groups and people who are just waiting to help you get through this.
Local Senior Citizen and Alzheimer's Organizations
Monterey Couny Area Agency on Aging - ask for their Guide to Services, Care and Housing and other resources for seniors Monterey County
Central Coast Senior Services: 831-484-7356
Alzheimer's Day Care Resource Center: 831-899-7178
Alzheimer's Association, Monterey County Chapter - 831-647-9890
Del Mar Caregiver Resource Center 831-424-4359
Centennial Garden (Residential Home) 831-643-9069
Tips
If you are searching for a home for your loved one, just drop in unnanounced. They are either prepared all the time or they are not. Don't take anyone's word for how the home looks, view it yourself. Ask questions. Find out what you need to provide and what the home provides for your loved one. Don't assume. Try the food yourself. Check out the bathrooms and use your nose. If the home smells clean, it probably is. Are the residents dressed each day? I love it when I go see my mom and see all the residents dressed and clean. I know from personal experience it's not easy to keep them clean and smelling nice, so when the caregivers take the time to make sure each resident is groomed as best as possible, it is very much appreciated by family members.